No More Dreading Birthdays!

As we get older, some of us feel the need to stay in our lane, be responsible, and sometimes subscribe to the idea that it is “too late” to try new things, pick new paths, or reinvent our realities. I say all of that is bull. More on this later in the post, but I want this to inspire you to approach your birthday months with from a new perspective from here on out.

I love change and an opportunity for a fresh start. My favorite time of the year to reflect and set new goals for myself, however, is not December 31st or the month of January, it is my birthday month in June. My birthday is June 12^th. I’m a Gemini with the gift of gab, communication and an outgoing spirit. I am also unpredictable, all over the place and somehow better when I have more on my plate. I also love to constantly reinvent myself. Which is why my approach to my birthday month ended new year suits me perfectly.

Understanding Self-Care

Before we dig in, it’s important for me to mention, I consider goal setting a form of self-care. I dig into this in my book “Is This Adulting?” in the chapter Self Care and other Four-Letter Words. Our society has led us to believe that self-care is synonymous with bubble baths, a glass of wine, face masks, doing your nails, or reading a good book. While I frequently partake in most of these activities, I believe that the suggestion of this type of outward selfcare as a remedy to stress, burnout, or anxiety/depression can feel insensitive and almost like another thing on the to do list.

Self-care requires intentional self-reflection and sometimes requires the help of a professional therapist or doctor to be sure that the root of the issue is being addressed. I also believe that the practice of self-care is not a one size fits all model.

Have you ever realized that if you are feeling low or depressed, one of the things that can help mentally the most is getting your body moving to rev up the production of dopamine? The times I feel I cannot get out of bed, it’s often exercise that helps the most. However, the temptation to stay in bed or take a bubble bath is what I want to do, it is not necessarily the best way to care for myself in that moment.

The same goes for ongoing self-care. Setting an intention to take a bubble bath every night for a month does not feel like self-care for me. As a busy working mom who is also a creative and has a constant urge to produce and create, going back to school for my MBA was a form of self-care. Hitting publish on the book I had written, re-written, thrown out and re-written again over the course of 7 years was a form of self-care.

This doesn’t mean I am any better, or super woman, or anything that women often say to me as they compare the things I have done to take care of myself and express who I am to how they do it. There is NO ROOM for comparison in becoming who we are called to be.

Yesterday I sat in bed all day as I allowed my PMDD symptoms to force me into a depressed state, ie: much needed. rest. I felt lazy and like a waste because my ego did not want to permit me to rest. I am so glad I did, because today, although I still have a heaviness in my brain and energy, I can rationally carve out time for myself and write. That is my self-care. Creation, learning, expression.

For some it is rest, bodily maintenance, conscious relaxation. None of it is wrong. All of it is necessary. I challenge you to bring this energy to your next birthday month and decide to approach your needs with love, compassion, and inward reflection instead of outward comparison.

A new approach to the New Year!

I love to approach my birthday month as a true start to a new year as it is quite literally the beginning of a new year for me around the sun. My hope for you is to reframe your relationship with your birthday month and honor your growth by committing to at least one small goal that represents taking care of yourself, your needs and your wants. Here is my process:

1. Reflect

I take the first week of my birthday month to feel the feels. I decide where I’m happy and what needs to change. The goal is to take this first week to take inventory of where I am. This is not a time for judgment, but simply one of reflection to understand what goals I want to set and whether or not I am making progress on ones that we’re currently set. I also like to get close clear on what no longer serves me.

2. Set Your Intention

Next, I set an intention or many for the month. This year I set the intention of peeling back more layers of my health puzzle. Since 2016 I have struggled through a myriad of health issues that look and feel like an autoimmune issue, but no doctor has been able to put a finger on a specific diagnosis.

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with chronic EBV, the virus that causes mono, which explains my ongoing battle with inflammation, fatigue and other auto-immune looking symptoms. The next chapter of my health journey is an effort to get back to my baseline, reduce inflammation, decrease hair loss and water weight, understand my hormones and restore my energy levels.

Unfortunately, understanding our entire health picture takes collaboration with multiple healthcare providers and self-advocacy on our end. In short, its a lot of work.

By intending to “peel back more layers of my health puzzle” I am moving in the right direction without setting unrealistic expectations that may lead to disappointment.

3. List out your goals!

After setting an intention I find ways to pamper myself within that intention. All of they ways I serve myself in this intention run a range of seriousness, but all, I feel are needed. Have you ever wondered why you STILL haven’t booked the Dr’s appointment you know will benefit you?

This is the opportunity to commit to making that phone call and crossing YOUR needs off the list. It is also the time to commit to the bubble baths, book reading, class taking, etc.

This year my Birthday Month pampering includes the following:

• No alcohol for the month of JUNE. (more on how that is going in future post)
• A solo-trip for relaxation and connection with one of my most health-conscious friends.
• Skin care splurges.
  • Botox, fillers, chemical peel, and new Agent Nateur skin care with Sara Buchan at Poppi
• DE-CLUTTER my personal space at home.
• Dr visits to follow up on some issues that seem to be contributing to some of my recent issues. (TMI in the following bullet points, but more to come on these as well in future posts for those of you who love all the details)
  • Breast explant consultation
  • Uterine ablation consultation
  • Scheduled bloodwork and well visit with my GP (General Practitioner, not Gwyneth Paltrow)
• Load up on some goodies at Jes Naturals
• Plenty of pool time and R&R
• The Splurge of a new water bottle and Bogg Bag (keeping it #basic)

These resolutions are completely attainable over the course of one month and are all things that bring me joy once crossed off the list.

I have talked to many folks about aging and the fact that though our years may get higher in number, if we give ourselves the opportunity to be honest about it, most of us identify with an age much younger. This is the child within us begging to be taken care of. This part of us is creative, daring, adventurous, profound, and unfiltered.

I think it is incredibly important that we use the excuse of our birthday month to reconnect with that side or ourselves and set intentions for the month and new year that will help us express, connect, honor, and enjoy our lives more instead of be-grudgingly accepting birthday wishes and living in denial of the fact that we are aging.

Life is a gift and there is always more time to show up and honor who you are and the gifts you are intended to bring to fruition.

I hope this inspires you to approach your next New Year (birthday month) celebration differently and infuse your next year with more inspiration and joy than the last.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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