My husband and I love to travel. In 2021, I had an epiphany. I realized that the story many of us tell ourselves, “when I am ___ I will do ___” is a dangerous wheel to get caught in. For me, a version of this sounded like, “if I had a ton of money I wouldn’t have to work anymore, and I would travel the world with my kids.”
After a year of lockdown, I decided that narrative no longer rang true. I decided that I didn’t have to wait until some day in the future when I would have a huge pile of money to live the life I wanted. When I really broke it down, traveling with my children was a privilege that was already available to me!
I decided that 2022 would be the year of travel, when I would begin to cross off some of my dream trips and normalize these adventures that we had previously regulated to an arbitrary time in the future. I had already taken our second oldest on a one on one trip to NYC in 2019 and it was amazing.
I knew that traveling with all four kids could be a lot of work from our annual family vacations and that it would be much easier to divide and conquer. At the beginning of 2022 my friend Elizabeth and I took my two oldest on another trip to NYC and we confirmed my hypothesis- while family vacations are memorable and important, traveling one on one with kids is magical.
Since that trip I have taken my kids one at a time to France/Spain, San Antonio, Southern California, and Milwaukee with no plans of stopping. Here are 5 reasons why.
Simplicity
Traveling is one of my favorite things to do and I was fortunate enough to go on exciting trips with my parents as a kid. Chris and I have always agreed that travel is important and one of the most impactful ways to understand the world.
As parents, however, we are imperfect. With a family of 6, traveling together can sometimes get extreme. Most of the time, somebody needs something whether it’s a bathroom, snack, nap, moment to cry, get a Band-Aid, or break from the excitement. All of this is understandable, and needs must be addressed; however, when one or two of us need assistance, the others also experience that moment.
This is not necessarily a bad thing as traveling with a big family presents the opportunity to teach kids patience, understanding, and compassion. These are virtues we find important which is why we 1-2 family trips each year. We find it helps to bond us as a family and there is nothing better than watching siblings have fun together.
HOWEVER, those experiences can also be stressful and overwhelming and create an adverse effect on our kid’s relationship with travel. To be honest, some moments leave us (the parents) more stressed as traveling with 6 people is a lot of work and we are handling many moving pieces, expectations, and needs at the same time. Our stress unfortunately becomes their stress at times.
Their Expectations are LOW
We have found that travel with less kids at time creates a simple travel experience for all involved. One on one travel means that one kids’ needs are being addressed at all times and demonstrates to them that travel can be empowering (they all love to manage their own luggage) stress-free and effortless. I love to travel and so far, I have 4 kids who also love to travel as they have experienced the fun and insanity of full-family adventures and the ease of traveling one on one.
One of the things that prevents parents from traveling one on one is the idea of cost. When we plan a trip with friends or partners, they can often become expensive pretty quickly. After tallying up ideal accommodations, transportation, food/drink and entertainment for adults the price tag is sometimes difficult to swallow.
In my experience, that is not the case with kids. When trying to figure out where to take our youngest son, I asked him, where do you want to go for a long weekend? He responded, “I just really want to stay in a hotel with a TV in the room.”
Now, I had to pull a few strings, but I was surprisingly able to find SEVERAL hotel options that had TVs in the room (every hotel in the US). From there, I narrowed the search by least expensive air fare, somewhere warm, and cool things to do with kids. We ended up in San Antonio in December in a Marriot hotel for $89/night next to SeaWorld and had a blast enjoying all the city had to offer, while completely dressed in Christmas lights.
My son’s favorite spot besides the hotel room? You guessed it, the mall on the Riverwalk.
Kids want to spend time with you. They want your undivided attention. They don’t need fancy details and they do not need expensive experiences to have a great time.
They get to practice responsibility and control by making small decisions that they would normally not get to make without the input or criticism of their siblings. When traveling I often let my kids decide several times throughout the trip what to pack/wear, where to eat, one thing the want to see/do that day, etc.
It is usually easy and affordable to accommodate their request or at least a reasonable translation of their request. In fact, I have found I often need to manage my own expectations when, for example, I would normally have gone for an expensive restaurant, but when given the choice, their dream dinner is McDonalds.
I Use Points
Travel is much more accessible than most people think. Between websites like VRBO, Air BnB, Expedia, and Google Flights, long gone are the days of expensive travel agents and travel budgets that took years to build up. Additionally, there are some incredible credit cards and point programs that make travel brand loyalty pay off in a big way.
I am NOT a financial advisor and it’s possible that owning a credit card is not the right fit for you, so consult a professional before applying for any new cards or lines of credit. That said, if you already use a credit card and you want to travel more, make sure you are earning miles with every purchase you make!
I will do a post fully dedicated to points and travel loyalty programs in the future, but the punchline of the conversation is basically this: choose a travel rewards card that works best for you based on the airline you use most. Some cards are dedicated to one airline, while others provide flexibility to use points toward many different airlines.
The main benefit to sticking with one airline is the ability to build up status which leads to lounge access, free checked bags, earlier boarding, dedicated phonelines for customer service and other perks. Some credit cards also offer these perks, but often include a higher annual fee.
Many programs offer companion certificates as well which means, you guessed it, your little can travel with you for free once a year. Airline points and hotel points accumulated over a period of time can result in free airfare and lodging for you and a companion. I utilize points EVERY time I travel. My last trip to Milwaukee with my son for his birthday was 100% paid for by points. You may not be in a place to plan your first one on one airline trip with one of your kids, but by leveraging points and other travel hack, you could be closer than you think!
Quality Time
I once heard it put this way: “When your child is born you only have 18 summers with them at best.” The cliché my husband and I always share with new parents is that “The days are long, but the years are short.” Somehow, we blinked and our oldest is preparing for High School to start in 4 ½ months!
Growing up, I was the youngest and my brothers were both in college before I hit middle school. On nights when my dad would travel for work, my mom and I would hit the road for Greensburg or Monroeville which were 45 minutes and 90 minutes away. We would shop at the mall, TJ Maxx, eat dinner at Boston Market, and visit any other place that struck our fancy. Other nights we would order Chinese food, rent a movie, and have a “girl’s night”.
Sometimes we would get in the car and I would be in a foul mood from something that happened in school that day or overall teenage angst. My mom would ask me what was wrong, and I would give her the textbook “nothing” response. There is nothing like a good car ride to break down a hardened teenage exterior. By the end of the first 30 minutes, I was usually spilling my guts and solving the world’s problems with my mom.
I loved those special one on one adventures with my mom, and the way they made me feel. I knew it was something I wanted to carry forward with my own kids.
When I travel with my kids, I always feel like I come back to knowing them a little bit more. When I travel one on one with them, that understanding is amplified. The conversations we have, the undivided attention, the prolonged play and silliness and the fact that for those couple of quick days they don’t have to share me, is the perfect environment for relationship building and growth that is priceless to me in their moment of childhood. Hopefully they will look back someday and treasure those memories as well.
Perspective
As children, it is normal to feel like you are the center of the universe. It is difficult for kids to comprehend human experiences outside of their own. It is important to me that while our kids find safety and consistency in their “home,” that they also start to comprehend the larger world around them.
I have found that traveling with kids one on one gives them the time and space to fully connect with their new surroundings in their own individual ways and pull important and unique perspective from their experience.
The first time I took my second son (G) to New York City he was 8 years old. He had always dreamed about visiting NYC and our adventure did not disappoint. We visited Queens, Brooklyn, The Bowery, Soho, The Financial District, Times Square, Upper East Side, Broadway, The Meatpacking District, Central Park and more.
He had incredible experiences in each location and checked off his entire bucket list with plenty of surprises like seeing a room in the Ancient Egypt exhibit of The Met get set up for a fashion gala, getting a hip hop lesson while shopping for hats in Brooklyn, an invitation to sit in the Director’s chair on a TV set while walking past my college on the Upper East Side at night, meeting a restaurant owner (and his entire family) and getting free dessert, and watching his first Broadway show.
G took the city by storm and learned that the Midwest perception of New Yorkers being rude and outspoken was far from the truth. G learned that NYC is friendly and inviting. Everyone he met LOVED him and he felt safe and 100% himself in every experience.
He also saw homeless people, and folks who yelled profanity on the subway. He learned that its important to be aware of your surroundings, walk in a straight line, and pick up the pace when you are in a city filled with 8 million people.
He learned that table manners are more high stakes when dining at a high-end restaurant on 57th street during dinner with a party of 4 adults after 9pm than at 6pm in a suburban Hibachi restaurant with the whole family. He learned that NYC is filled with millions of people who come from different places and live different lives. He learned that the world is much bigger than he could have dreamed.
In this moment where we feel isolated and forced to take sides on everything from politics, religion, where we shop, and how we “brand” ourselves, travel is one of the best ways to blast all of that bullshit open and show your kids that the world is huge, opportunities are endless, and there is always something new to learn.
I would love to hear from you in the comments below. What was one of your most memorable trips as a child? What did it teach you? Are you likely to try traveling with a kid in your life one on one?
