Are my kids nice enough? Is my house clean enough? Did I sell enough? Am I funny enough? Is my work good enough? Am I liked enough?

AM I ENOUGH?

In a world where everyone can be anything, this is the question that keeps many of us up at night.

The more the better?

I am an unreasonably driven person. My whole life I have been involved in all things extra-curricular. Piano, Violin, Guitar, Dance, Girl Scouts, Young Life, Youth Groups, Soccer, Tennis, Swim Team, Golf, Theater, Honor Choir, and even a year of fencing in high school are among SOME of the hobbies I participated in K-12.

I started working in a restaurant at 15 years old THE SECOND I could find a place to wash dishes. Before that, I had babysat for several families and even ran my own hand bag business in middle school. I had a notebook of fabric swatches and would take orders during school then go home at night and sew all of my orders.

In adulthood this trait has seemingly amplified. I am constantly in search of some sort of purpose-based project to invest my passion and brain into. Although I have 4 children, an incredible husband and a full time job which has grown into a 12 year career in the wine & spirits industry, I have never felt a moment of “I made it”.

I practice gratitude and I am genuinely thankful for the blessings in my life. That said, I have never experienced true contentment or completion around something I have achieved. There is a part of me that is always searching.

What’s Next?

I am constantly in search of the next project to achieve, the next milestone to overcome, and the next challenge; however, I know deep down, I know this is not necessary. I tend to feel compelled to help, fundraise, or advocate for a solution when I see an injustice. This is not a bad trait, but it often leads to burnout and sometimes prolonged depression.

In the era of social media we see so much pain up close, but we cannot solve every problem or take away every pain. What’s worse is I often share things on social media when I see the pain of others with absolutely no solution to provide. 

When I catch myself in discontent, or when I start to stress because I should be doing or being MORE, I connect with advice I often give to my kids. Who Cares? 

Why the pressure?

Who are we feeling the pressure to be something from? Is it from society? Sometimes the voices on social media can be so loud. If feels like every video on my feed these days is someone encouraging me to take their free workshop to learn how to make $10,000/week. Yes, I would love to do that, thank you.  Those messages are incredibly distracting. 

Is it our family or relatives? It’s possible you have felt pressure to live your life a certain way because of the expectations that were laid out and modeled for you for years. Perhaps even generations.

Is it our hero’s? Maybe we are modeling what our success should look like based on how it went for someone else. The problem is, that most hero stories do not focus or go into depth on the failure, loss, or dark nights of the soul that successful people experience.

When I built my start up, I experienced how conflicting the illusion of success can feel. I received new coverage, magazine articles, social media attention and praise for the work I was doing. People were giving me encouragement and confidence but in the stillness of the night I felt worry, stress, and the looming sensation that I was not enough. Ultimately had to shut the business down 4 years later because we ran out of money.

I had helped people. I had passed society’s judgement test, But from a business standpoint, I had failed.

Real Value

I firmly believe that my identity and value are deeper than my achievements. I know that my value is in God and that he has a plan for me which I am currently living. I am constantly surrounded by blessings and abundance and I practice gratitude daily, but I continue to seek. 

The school of manifestation says to set an intention and surrender the outcome while taking inspired action. This is great advice. Except I am a control freak who often ends up in an exchange with God that is more like this.

“God, use me to show up and love others, follow your will, and create work that connects and serves the people who need to hear from me. Work through me. I surrender.”

(1 day later)

“OK God, now I also want all of those intentions to play out exactly like ‘this’ so here’s how ‘we’ are gonna make it happen.”

As women, we take on an insane amount of pressure. We feel the need to prove ourselves as employees, mothers, fashionistas, wives, homemakers, community members, and all-around superwomen. The secret is that we don’t need to prove anything to anybody.

We are already successful by showing up and being who we are. We are doing the thing regardless of how it looks. We do not need to look perfect or be perfect in our action, because there is no perfect. OK?! Can we all admit that once and for all and say it like we MEAN it?! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT!

Perfect the way we are

I recently saw the “Barbie” movie and loved the fact that both the Barbie dominated society and the Patriarchy got the same things wrong. It’s not about the stereotypes and attributes. As Barbie tells Ken as she realizes it for herself (this is a paraphrase) “Maybe its not all of those things that make you, you.”  

It is our job to figure out who we are and realize that just showing up as who we are is enough. I don’t think it is a bad thing to be driven and have goals. However, if those goals come to you in the form of comparison, pressure, or lack, EXAMINE THEM CLOSELY.

Since I closed down my start up in 2020, I have obtained my MBA, launched my blog, and wrote and self-published my first book. When asked why I did these things, my answer is always the same uncomplicated response. “Because, I wanted to.” 

My driven, over-achieving, imperfect, messy house, constantly starting new projects, can’t sustain an exercise routine to save her life, self wanted to do a thing. Stuck to it. And achieved completion. Not perfection.

If I’m honest with myself, I believe I will always be obsessed with challenging myself. I push myself to learn more, do more, and achieve more, but now, I do it for myself. I do not do what I do for the approval or disapproval of others, and that makes me free to try.

When I get snagged on lack, impatience, or comparison I examine my “why” and attempt to get back on track, OR I put the pen down all together.

If I create from a place of not enough, then I am only looking to serve myself. When I create from a place of truth within myself in the love and service of others, I am always enough.

Enough-ness

I am enough by showing up, loving others, and obediently following simple inspired action to write the words, communicate the messages, and produce the work I have committed to or that shows up on my heart. We cannot afford to compare ourselves to others or worry about their judgement. It is none of our business what others think, it is our business to bring our own, enough, unique selves to everything we do. 

Your unique abilities and traits have the power to change the lives around you through the simple action of connecting, serving, and sharing who you are. 

You are enough.